Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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