Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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