Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
