My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
