"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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