i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
