Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
