It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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