Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
