Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
