I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
