the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
