In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish you could order shots online.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
