Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
