I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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