I puked a lego.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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