You can't special order awesome
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
