Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
