it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
