I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
