Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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