dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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