i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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