sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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