It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
