It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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