i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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