her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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