i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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