she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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