Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
