A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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