I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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