I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
