I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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