If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
