He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
