Michael Bay diarrhea
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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