Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
