I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
