yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the condom got lost in my hair
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
