i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
