Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
