there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found a bag of teeth...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
