So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
