this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
