Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
