just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I checked into jail on foursquare
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
