I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
