There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This baby is an asshole
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
