You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
