did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were destined to go to rehab together
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
