So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
