im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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