I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
