trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
