Already got asked if we're dating
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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