oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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