i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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