I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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