I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
