Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
