I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
