I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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