i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
